Sunday, April 22, 2012

Crazy Things.

Okay, this is random, because it’s been so long since I posted anything, and things have happened, so – yeah.


(Although “ran” might be too strong a word.)

The Oak Barrel Half Marathon in Lynchburg, Tennessee, to be specific.  Which was a beautiful run, and perfect weather, and I am never doing it again because a) there is a giant one-mile-long hill right at mile 4; and b) the assholes who run the race are – well, assholes. 

To clarify the second point:  My brother-in-law broke his foot a few weeks before the race.  On the website, there was a little paragraph that said the race was sold out, so if you weren’t able to run, you should contact the organizers and they could defer your race fee for a year so they could give your spot to someone else.

So my brother-in-law contacted them.  Their response was to tell him that they were going to sell his spot to someone else and refund his money, minus, naturally, a processing fee.  No deferral.  He told them if that was going to be how it was, maybe he’d just show up and get his shirt and race packet, and just not run – at least he’d get a nice shirt out of it.  Their response was that now that they knew he wasn’t going to run, they were essentially canceling his number and refunding his money against his will.

Such nice, down-home people.


So the half-marathon.  It sucked, people.  It was easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and probably it still would have been the hardest thing I ever did even if I hadn’t started completely giving up on training four weeks out from the race.  Probably.


Last week Thomas and I went to Whole Foods, and he chose the g*ddamned can of escargot as his new food to try. 

Look, my parents used to love these things when I was little, and always ordered them at restaurants, and I have never wanted to try them.  But here I was. 

I clarified some butter, threw in some garlic and minced onion, and tossed the suckers into the mix.

Served the whole thing up to Thomas and the Better Half with some crusty bread.
Verdict:  Yeah, no.  The consensus seemed to be that they had the consistency and even appearance of shiitake mushrooms – but the taste of old gamey meat. 

We did however just eat the shit out of the garlic butter and bread.


New foods we’ve tried lately:

Roasted kale (seriously, this shit is nasty; why is this such a big fucking trend now?  It’s like eating a pile of salted leaves from your lawn in October.  Every website is all, “Ha ha, my kids can’t get enough of this!” and my kid is like Seriously, bitch?  You’re feeding me compost now?.)

Kebab (I’d had this; Thomas had not.   Verdict:  “I wish the entire planet was made of this stuff.”)

Dill Pickle Flavored Popcorn (this was at the local farmers’ market, and holy shit, this is miraculous and awesome, except if you eat too much, it will do terrible things to your digestive system, terrible and unspeakable things; not that I know this by personal experience or anything, shut up.)


Work has been crazy stressful lately.  I’ve had something like three migraines in the last two weeks, which is unheard-of and I’m pretty sure I have a brain tumor or something and all of you dicks will be sorry you were ever mean to me.

Also today Thomas and I spent part of the afternoon on the couch watching the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie that was just released to DVD and I am sort of embarrassed to admit that I spent most of the movie being intensely attracted to Jason Lee.  Seriously, that dude cleans up well once you remove the terribly hipster facial hair.  Unfortunately, I have since been informed that Jason Lee is a Scientologist, which means sadly we are not meant to be, since it would be impossible for a guy who believes we are descended from aliens to be with a girl who believes we should emulate a man who told his followers to symbolically cannibalize him in order to remember him.